People Pleaser:

How do you ask someone to refer you to their agent? In not a weird way? I’m in the market for a new agent and haven’t managed to get up the courage to point blank ask people if they’d refer me, mostly because people I could ask aren’t my best friends, just people I know from various jobs.

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Dear People Pleaser,

Oh, people pleasing. It’s so often the driving force and absolute poison to getting what we want and need.

What stands out to me here is that you named the people who could refer you are people you’ve worked with, but aren’t your best friends. Getting an agent, even by referral, is not solely about being someone’s friend. Yes, you can have a good friend who cares about you deeply, has your back, and is invested with you in a more personal way, so that ask is easier. But even there, the easier ask is not necessarily more beneficial to you.

You want to connect to new business partners (agents) and you have people you’ve done business with (other actors/directors/casting agents) who can refer you. Keep your mind focused on this being a business conversation and not some personal favor someone is doing for you. First, I would suggest making a list of who knows your best work, who advocates for you already, or has already chosen to do business with you and had a positive experience because of the work you did.

Casting directors are great for this. Depending on the stage in your career, you may have had the same casting director cast you multiple times. This person would be great to reach out to with all your materials ready to say, “Thank you for supporting my work and connecting me with [name past castings]. As someone who knows my work, would you be interested in referring me to A, B, and C agents? Your insight into how I can best continue to do my best work is much appreciated.” Because, again, this is business. If a casting director was able to complete their job because you did your job well and filled a role, they then also want to see you well represented because that keeps you supported in the pool that supports their work as well.

Now, say you’re early in your career and haven’t made a ton of business connections yet. Then, and this will be throughout your career, remember that your best networking is with the people to the left and right of you. Maybe make the effort to have stronger connections with actors and collaborators from your past projects. Not out of some slimy networking brain, but truly, who you work with is your organic network and you have to pour into them. That way, in moments like these, that support will hopefully return to you.

Lastly, I find it still to be true that most people genuinely do want to help. You may reach out to people to get referrals and people will not be comfortable with it, but they may have other insight as current clients on other ways to connect with that agency or what they are seeking.

Rooting for you,

-Fefu

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This Fefu is a Tony Award-nominated performer and artistic leader who has trained (and graduated, thank goodness!) from elite programs across oceans.

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